relationships

<p>When I was a kid, I had a bully. Most of us had the same bully, unfortunately. It was a girl called ‘Metris—short for Demetrius. She was in a grade higher than me and was bigger than all of us because she developed early. She was also unwashed most of the time. On a school [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I watched Monster’s Ball years ago, and back then I didn’t really get the depth of the movie because I hadn’t lived long enough to know that sometimes, you gotta just let yourself be loved. Last night, it was on—so I watched it—and it clicked. It’s kinda beautiful when you think about it. Two people [&hellip;]</p>

<p>It’s programming. All my life, I have lived from hand to mouth. I remember as a child, the end of the month was brutal. Food stamps came on the first of every month, so the week leading to the first was famine. We ate whatever was left or given to us by the neighborhood food [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I will be fifty in 241 days. I will have lived half a century with the belief that life was happening to me and not through me. This limiting belief caused me to sometimes pity myself. I would look at how things in my life were going and believe—erroneously—that I had no control. Imagine that. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>The lease for my suite was signed, and the supplies were flowing in. I was all set, except for the fact that I had to give the spa my two weeks’ notice. That was the worst part of everything. I hated to let anyone down, and I felt like I would be letting Anne Marie [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I took the letters with me to work that following day. After I finished the service, I would discreetly take the letter from my apron pocket, give it to them, and tell them to read it when they got home. After all the letters were distributed to the 20 names, there was nothing left to [&hellip;]</p>

<p>A few days later, Tam called and said, “I have something to tell you.” I said, “Okay, spit it out.” She said, “While you were dating so-and-so, he was dating three other women at the church—well, three that I know of.” Even though I wasn’t with him anymore, I was suddenly disgusted at the thought [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I sat in church, trying to choke back hot tears, as he sat there with another woman in that same dingy sport coat. When I was briefly dating him, I thought he was a great catch because he was a minister and physically attractive. The problem was, I had created a fictional character in my [&hellip;]</p>

<p>When he would call from time to time, he would dominate the conversation, which was fine because I kinda liked hearing about various recording artists and their secret lives. He had years of stories about infidelity and scandals involving some pretty high-profile names. I didn’t love this, as my image of them was somewhat tarnished. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>It’s amazing how reliving your past helps you see where it all began and how things happened. While at the spa, I started talking to a musician from my church. He was the first narcissist I had ever met. I see it now. At the time, I had no idea what the word meant, nor [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I was booked to do a basic manicure one afternoon for a client named Michelle, so I went to the relaxation room to get her. When I called her name, and a tall blonde wearing a robe—having just had a massage—stood up, smiled, and said, “That’s me!” We went to the manicure room and got [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Working at the spa put me in front of so many amazing women and men. I have formed lifelong friendships with a few—one of them is reading this now. Her name is Bridgette, and I consider her my friend. She never looked down on me, and I never felt judged because I wasn’t refined and [&hellip;]</p>

<p>My problems with Denise lessened, and all it took was for a house to sell. Unfortunately, she had a new target and only bothered me when she got really bored. I no longer wanted to leave the spa at all because it felt like I should be there, at least for the time being. I [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I started paid training at the spa the Monday after graduation. My last unemployment check came that Friday, and my first check from the spa arrived the following Friday. I didn’t miss a payment and never went hungry. I took the three-hour drive down to Springfield on a Sunday to take the state board exam [&hellip;]</p>

<p>So that was it. I was to be a nail tech, even though I had never had a manicure and had no idea if I would be able to get a job or make any money. This was uncharted territory. I didn’t know any nail techs except for the trainer at the spa I had [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Last night, I decided to bring in the New Year with a hot bubble bath with Epsom salt for age. While in the bath, I began to thank God for everything He has done in my life, then I found myself asking Him to give me authentic connections and a relationship. I have never felt [&hellip;]</p>

<p>This was unreal. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I went back in and waited for the test to start. The test was a piece of cake; I finished before anyone else and went home to wait for something that wasn’t supposed to happen. Deep down, I knew I would be starting school Monday. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Well, that was it—another distraction removed from my life. That early in my walk with Christ, I had no idea that God had a plan for me, nor did I realize I couldn’t just do anything or marry anyone. I finally know this for certain: my life is not my own. While I was at [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I started at the title company shortly after getting my braces. Ahmad quickly stopped sniffing around when he saw I wasn’t budging, and the title company moved to a new location within a few months. During this time, some of the girls in the office signed up for a dating app. I signed up as [&hellip;]</p>

<p>After I was fired from the dealership but before working at the title company, there was a brief period when I didn’t have a job. I spent most of that time trying to find my way back to the Lord. I can only describe this season as being like Adam when he was cast out [&hellip;]</p>