Cracked Roots & Roses 28: No Job, No Love

I started at the title company shortly after getting my braces. Ahmad quickly stopped sniffing around when he saw I wasn’t budging, and the title company moved to a new location within a few months. During this time, some of the girls in the office signed up for a dating app. I signed up as well. It was so much fun in the beginning. I met a few nice guys, but there was one in particular who stood out. We’ll call him Kevin.

Kevin was a truck driver who owned his own truck and was starting his own transportation business. I had no interest in him initially because he was too flashy. He actually owned a mink coat and more jewelry than any man should. He messaged me a few times, but I ignored him. Then he said something witty, and that caught my attention. Nothing beats humor and wit. After a little banter, I gave him my number, and he called that same night.

We would talk and laugh for hours—I’m talking laugh-until-tears-fall kind of hours. I wanted to like him, but dating apps can be funny. You can have all this chemistry over the phone, then meet them, and it all falls flat. So, I prolonged the meeting phase as long as possible. I wanted the butterflies to last. He didn’t feel the same. He was from the school of thought: “I want to meet you quickly because if it falls flat, I want to know sooner rather than later.”

The one sticking point was that he was a Jehovah’s Witness—not practicing, but his mom raised him that way. Back then, I thought I could win men to Christ or change them, so this was a train wreck just waiting to happen.

We eventually met up at my cousin’s house one weekend. Oh, he was fine. He was one of those people who don’t photograph well. He was about 6’2”, muscular, light-skinned but tanned easily, with light freckles and hazel eyes, and curly hair. He was wearing jeans, a button-up plaid shirt, and a baseball cap. He was down-to-earth, well-mannered, and smelled amazing.

What I instantly loved about him was his brutal honesty and his genuine laugh. His laugh came from the belly and was authentic. We both had the same sense of humor. At the end of our first meeting, he smiled and said, “Let me see your teeth.” I flinched because I thought he was about to say something mean. I had forgotten I’d been wearing braces for months, so there was nothing mean to say. I smiled and tilted my head playfully in the light and noticed his eyes smiling. He smiled wide and said, “I didn’t know you had braces. I like you.” I believed him because he showed it.

From that first meeting, he called every single night and texted all day. He wanted to see me every time he was in town, but that wasn’t always possible. I lived west, and he lived way south. He drove all night and slept all day, and I worked all day and slept all night. Eventually, he made a case for me to come with him on a run. He said he’d take a weekend run instead of being off so we could have the whole ride to spend time together.

The first ride was to Avon Lake, Ohio. I was so excited to be in his presence. I remember the first meeting was so sweet and lasted hours. We literally didn’t want to part ways. The only thing was, I had no idea Avon Lake was five hours away. By the time he told me, it was too late. I was scared we’d run out of topics and hate each other by the end. I was wrong—the time flew by. The silent moments weren’t awkward at all, just familiar.

We talked about deep stuff—his past, his mom, and how his first marriage ended. He was surprisingly transparent about his life. I felt free to share parts of my story, and nothing in his eyes judged me. We drove all night and stopped at a rest stop for breakfast. We raced each other back to the truck—I can still remember that.

I would go on trips with him almost weekly. About three months in, he started talking about marriage. He wanted a wife to come home to after being on the road. I understood that but still thought it was too soon. I later realized he got that from his mom—she had been married five times, and he had already been married twice.

Meanwhile, the title company was starting to have problems. I knew they were in trouble when they moved from a state-of-the-art high-rise in Oak Brook to an old office park in Downers Grove. A few weeks later, the entire policy department was terminated without warning. The underwriters absorbed our duties, and that was that.

I was out of work again within a year of leaving the dealership. I gathered my things and sat in my old Ford Taurus in shock until I got tired of sitting. Just as I was about to drive off, Kevin called. He was cheerful and asked why I was answering my cell phone in the middle of the workday. I told him I had just been fired.

The silence between us was the loudest it had ever been. He quietly asked, “What happened exactly?” I explained. We were all called in one by one and told our positions no longer existed. He sighed and said, “Let me call you back,” and hung up.

Deep down, I knew it was over.

That night, he called but was distracted and short with me. It felt like he blamed me for being let go. He finally asked, “Tell me exactly how you lost your job?” I repeated the story, and after a pause, he said, “I hate that you lost your job because I just can’t date a woman who doesn’t work.”

I was stunned. I shot back, “Kevin, you act like I quit!” Before I could finish, he said, “Kim, I don’t know if you quit or not. My second wife quit her job as soon as we got married. I got stuck with her student loans and bills, and I won’t be doing that again. I was out here working seven days a week while she was home cheating—with a woman!”

After another awkward silence, he said, “I gotta go,” and hung up.

Right then, I understood—he was damaged by a woman like me. He had made a vow in his heart to never date another woman without a job, and he was sticking to it.

Kevin didn’t call me for two weeks. Those were the most painful two weeks of my life. I felt heartbroken because I really liked him. I felt like he was the only man I had something naturally in common with. He got my humor, my past, my drive, and what made me mad. Even when he disagreed with me, he tried to understand and respectfully explain his position.

Two weeks later, Kevin called. His first words were, “What are your plans?” No “How are you?”—just straight to business.

I asked, “What are you talking about?”

He replied, “Your plan to get another job.”

I said, “I’ve been looking and have my resume on Monster, but nothing so far.”

He asked, “Would you want to learn how to drive my truck and work with me? We could be a team, live on the road, and make a lot of money.”

I replied, “Sounds good, but I can’t—I have a daughter in grade school, remember?”

He sighed and said, “I really hate this. I still want to be friends, but I just can’t date you anymore.”