No Filter

I posted a no filter pic on Facebook last year and since have made that the standard. I was surprised and emotionally overwhelmed by the compliments. I want to share why because I had to heal in this area and as I heal I want you to heal. See I was the “nerd” growing up because I wore glasses. It’s not like it is today where glasses are fashionable. In the 80’s glasses hindered any attempt at normalcy. I heard the term “four eyes” more than I would like to remember. 

The boys also didn’t check for me because I was skinny and smart on top of wearing glasses. Those stigmas carried into my adult years unfortunately. I have had only 2 long term relationships in my entire life and have been on maybe 6 dates and I’m 48 years old. I learned early on to focus on other things and to leave “love” for the cheerleaders . 

This trauma came from some neighborhood boys telling me that another boy had a crush on me when I was a teenager but his friends were actually pranking him. I remember how terrible I felt and how I didn’t ever want to be looked at again. I never walked past that group of neighborhood boys again. I didn’t deserve that but I realize that those things happen to us as kids to plant seeds of inferiority and low self esteem. 

From that day forward when someone gave me a compliment I thought they were joking or being cruel so I didn’t acknowledge them. I know this is hard to read because I’m in tears writing it myself. I cannot believe the rejection and abuse I have endured and I can’t believe even more that it became a part of me. 

I am sharing this because I want you to know that no matter what you heard from cruel kids or cruel adults that you are beautiful. I want you to know that when someone compliments you that it’s ok to receive it. I had to rewrite the script and voice in my brain that came from rejection and bullies. I am still working on building my self esteem after my last bout with a man who never loved me and was only with me to use me. 

I had to do all I could to not write off human contact all together. So as I heal I hope you heal. I hope you believe the good that you hear and not just the bad. I learned that beauty flows from the inside out. You are beautiful because God made you fearfully, wonderfully and unique. You are beautiful because you are one of a kind.