Untangled 16: Another Uhaul

Another few months passed—oncology appointments, weekly blood transfusions, and court dates for him. For me, it was working more hours to cover my new credit card debt, higher utilities, and increased grocery bills. By the end of that first year, I could no longer afford my beautiful apartment. So, I found another two-bedroom apartment a mile further into Aurora, in a less desirable complex. This complex was for Section 8 recipients, but it was also income-determined.

That was a low point for me. I had always heard that when the right man comes into your life, things get better. For me, things only got better for a month. After that, it all went downhill. I was now severely backslidden. I was no longer going to church. I was no longer debt-free. I was no longer happy. I no longer had a smile. I was no longer a size 8. I was no longer myself.

Walking into that outdated leasing office to sign a lease for an apartment I wouldn’t have even driven past in normal circumstances broke me. The parking spots were oil stained, the grass was dead, dumpsters were visible and overflowing with trash—one had even been set on fire. God had mercy on me even in this because my apartment was on the cleaner side of the complex, across from a beautiful park, and near the entrance. Even in my disobedience and low point, God was still merciful to me, and I wasn’t even speaking to Him any longer. I was embarrassed to show my face to Him. I had fallen. I was with a man who was dragging me through the mud.

In the beginning, he told me he didn’t drink; turns out he was an alcoholic. He told me he didn’t smoke; turns out he smoked hookah and cigars almost weekly. He said he didn’t watch TV, but every night he had on reality TV or a scary movie. I told him I didn’t watch the news, so he played it every morning. I didn’t eat fried food, but he fried chicken like it was his job.

Writing this is hard. I can’t stop the tears. I can’t believe my self-esteem was so low that I allowed this. Take what you will from this, but please listen to what I’m saying: no person is worth this. I went through it so you don’t have to. When you hear the first lie, cut it off. It’s a spirit.

So… I told him I had to move to a new apartment. I told him my life was in shambles and I needed to start over. I suggested that he move back to Miami or find his own place closer to his many doctors in the city. I even offered to pay the deposit. He said he leased his condo to a friend down there since he wasn’t using it. He told me he couldn’t work because of the frequent headaches and doctor’s appointments. He did say he would move if that’s what I wanted, but he just needed a little time to find a place. That made the downgrade I was facing a little more bearable. I felt like an end was in sight.

A month and a half later, I rented another U-Haul. I had to immediately purchase a new refrigerator; the one in the unit was small, old, and dented. I purchased new faucets, cleaned the carpet, put up a ceiling fan, and made the best of a bad situation. He moved his things with me because he hadn’t been able to find a place with no job. The tension was palpable. For the most part, he would sleep on the couch because he would stay up until 2 a.m. watching scary movies and playing video games on his phone. I didn’t have that luxury because I had to sleep for work in the morning. He was more like a roommate than anything else.

One day, while he was driving me to work, I noticed that the mileage on my new SUV had tripled in under a year. I couldn’t believe the number of miles he was driving daily to go to the doctor and back. He blamed me. He said I chose to move out to Aurora from Forest Park. He would be closer to his doctor if I didn’t live so far. I didn’t know this was Narcissism 101. I had already noticed his lack of accountability. He would not take responsibility for anything he did, so I took responsibility by default.

He had been getting the mail because the car key was on the ring with the mailbox key. Most of my bills were electronic and on autopay, so I didn’t pay much attention. He would bring in any junk mail in the box daily, so I didn’t notice. Then, one day, I received a letter from Nordstrom regarding my account. My card had been maxed out, and the minimum payments went from $36 to over $200 a month.