Untangled 21: He said nothing

He slept for the next few hours, then got up like nothing had happened. He went to get food and of course came back with flowers. Since the morning’s events, he had become playful and lighthearted. He seemed a little different—like he realized what he had done and felt remorse. I didn’t want to discuss it because my mind was consumed with the thought of my impounded car.

He was given the address of the tow yard in Melrose Park. I moved two nail appointments back to retrieve my belongings from my car and pay the fines before another day was added. When we arrived at the lot, I proved ownership and was taken back to my once beautiful, tan Nissan Murano. The car was smashed on the passenger side hood where it hit the pole; the airbags were deployed, and the driver’s side window was broken. The day before he told me that he felt nauseated, so he went to exit the expressway, but he threw up, blacked out, and hit a light pole on the off ramp. I opened the driver’s door to look for any signs of vomit, but there were none. While removing my new WeatherTech custom mats from the car, I suddenly noticed the factory plastic still on the floor of what was my first ever brand-new car.

Seeing that plastic broke me. I sat on the door sill, dropped my head, and cried. What was going on with my life?! This was my car, and I took care of my things but now it was a hunk of junk! He didn’t value my things because he had never worked for anything! My car was nothing to him. I’m not saying accidents don’t happen, but when you’re with a man who is seemingly cursed, you’re exposed to more of them. God couldn’t have sent him—there was just no way. He saw me crying and said nothing. In fact, he actually got angry and started stuffing things into garbage bags even faster. He didn’t say a single word to me, like I was the one who wrecked his car! After he got the plates off, I went inside and signed my car over to the tow yard for parts. It was a total loss.

The insurance company handled everything, including the damage to city property fine. The following week, I started shopping for a new car because he was now driving the old Lexus all the time to get to his court dates, blood transfusions and so-called “doctor’s appointments.”

I found a used Ford Explorer on consignment that was in great condition with low miles. While at the dealership waiting on paperwork, he told me I was being stupid because it was the first car I test-drove. He thought I should go to the Mercedes dealership as well. Get this.. he thought he had a say in what car I purchased because he was the primary driver; that man ate audacity for breakfast. I told him, “Listen, this is the car I’m buying. This is what’s in my budget. I have no time to act like I have options because I don’t. I wouldn’t be here if not for you.” I also reminded him that I sold cars for years and it doesn’t take me weeks to make a decision. This was at least one area that I had a confident voice.

That upset him, so he walked out, got in the Lexus, and left me there. I signed the paperwork and drove home.

A couple of months later, I noticed my bookings were getting light. People were simply not scheduling appointments anymore. Normally, in the spring, I have a surge of appointments to help make up for the January lull. But that wasn’t happening. I had already toyed with the idea of bankruptcy in the winter because over $600 in credit card minimums was just too much. When I pressured him he agreed to help pay a bill or two, but that didn’t last. He paid the cable bill once and never gave me another cent towards anything.

I was in over my head, so I contacted a debt consolidation company first. They recommended a bankruptcy. I spent the next couple of weeks gathering information to file. After everything was filed, I had to go in and talk to a judge. That was one of the worst days of my life. The judge asked if I was married, had medical insurance, or owned any real estate. I said no to everything. I realized my life was a mess, and it wasn’t all because of him. I allowed this. I spent most of my life just surviving, and I never considered thriving until now. I was embarrassed, to say the least. How did I get here? I felt a single tear run down my cheek as I sat there explaining my bad life decisions to two strangers.

The judge must’ve seen my heart because she stopped asking me personal questions and just closed it all out. She said, “I don’t know what’s happening in your life, but I wish you all the best, Ms. Blakes.” That was it. The hearing was cut short. I was now bankrupt. My lawyer met me in the hall to give me the paperwork and my next steps. She was surprised because that particular judge is normally harsh and goes through everything with a fine-tooth comb. I recognized what it was and was grateful for that leniency and favor. By the time I got to my car, a light drizzle of rain was falling. I got in, put on my seatbelt, grabbed the steering wheel, and screamed.

I ugly cried. I could no longer hold it together. I realized right then that this man would watch me lose everything and be put out on the street, and he wouldn’t care! How had I fallen this far, this fast? I sat for as long as I could, then drove home in complete silence. My plan was to go in and tell him to get out NOW. I didn’t care what he did or where he went—he had to leave. I was ready to physically fight him if I had to. I had nothing else to lose.

When I got home, he wasn’t there. He didn’t answer any of my texts or calls. He texted me hours later to say he had to do a sleep study at the hospital and would be back in the morning. Good, I thought. I hoped whatever woman he was with would beg him to stay.

That night, I woke up at about 2 a.m. I heard as clear as a bell: “This is not the man you will marry.” I laid there, staring at the ceiling. I knew that, but this was confirmation. I was ready to break up with him anyway, but this was the push I needed. This was God telling me, THAT IS IT. I went back to sleep and woke up with a different outlook. I started getting my ducks in a row to get him out of my life and to burn every bridge.

When I saw him that following evening, the anger had subsided—unfortunately. I told him what happened at the hearing and how ashamed I was. He said nothing. He just sat there scrolling on his phone, refusing to even look at me. I wanted him to apologize for the credit cards, for the car, for making my life harder, ANYTHING!

He said nothing.

I told him I didn’t want to be together anymore. I took all of the responsibility for everything because I was clearly broken. I needed some time to fix myself.

He said nothing.