Untangled 4: Quiet before the storm

After my deliverance I gave her a big hug of relief and walked her to the door. I can still remember the smile on my face, it was deep, sincere, and immovable. Later that day I tried to pull him back to my mind to confirm the deliverance, but I couldn’t. I had forgotten what his face looked like! I had no clear memory of anything that had gone on. My mind was filled with songs of worship and joy. I was now happy for him. I was suddenly glad he found someone like her. They were a cute couple after all. He was even at the finish line after she finished her first marathon (saw that down the rabbit hole) I don’t think I would’ve been as hurt had he not stayed in my life and come to visit right before his engagement. All was forgiven now, I should’ve removed myself anyway. My new found joy caused me to be simultaneously embarrassed about how I had reacted and how I thought evil of her. If I was walking in the spirit I wouldn’t have gotten so far off course into the flesh.

If you’ve ever truly been delivered, you know what I’m talking about. My joy was back. I had a pep in my step and vowed to never ignore the leading of God. I thought the next time I could remove myself from a table that no longer served love. I thought I would choose me first. I thought all of this without dealing with the part of me that allowed it in the first place. Deliverance doesn’t replace discipline. Little did I know that resolve would be tested less than a year later.

For the next few months, I focused on me. I went to movies alone, I took myself out to dinner, and I did all the things for myself that I wanted from men. A small part of me still wanted companionship one day, but I wanted to be in the right headspace. I wanted to be truly whole so that I could recognize the red flags. I didn’t expect another counterfeit because I had just dealt with one. The rule is one, right? Wrong. You will take the test until you pass the test, and you don’t know when it’s coming.

My next test came in mid-October of 2016. I didn’t do the deep work so I was not prepared..again.