Untangled 23: The Dream

Operation Offload the Freeloader was in full effect. I wasn’t sure how or when I would do it, but it was going to get done. In the midst of that, I noticed that my books at work started to get light again. Little did I know, coronavirus was on the scene, and because I don’t watch the news, I had no idea. One day, a friend texted to tell me that there would be a shutdown soon. I didn’t believe her initially. She had a reliable source, but my mind had no frame of reference for it—I had never seen anything like it in my life. Nonetheless, things got progressively worse at work. Cancellations were coming in by the boatload. Then it happened: I was labeled as a non-essential business and shut down by the state.

I’m self employed—how would I sustain myself? I had just paid the rent at the salon, at home, my car note, and six months of car insurance right before the shutdown was announced. My remaining two salon tenants couldn’t pay either because they had no clients. I sat at home staring at the wall, trying to figure out how I would take care of myself. As to not get into fear, I made myself busy: I deep cleaned, scrubbed floors, changed linens, and applied for jobs online. This situation made me resent him even more. How can you live in a woman’s house and not contribute? How can you watch her stress about paying bills while you sit and play games on your phone? That’s when I realized I didn’t have a man—I had unwanted company.

At the beginning of the shutdown, I had a dream that I lived in Dallas, Texas. The dream was so vivid that I woke up shocked to still be in Illinois. I thought about that dream for days. It had a feel to it, you know? I would smile when I thought about Texas. I had no frame of reference for Texas because I had never been there in my life, but it felt like home. I knew the dream was from God because I couldn’t forget it. Most of my adult life has been led by dreams, and I knew this was one of those times.

After the initial “14 days to flatten the curve,” Governor Pritzker got on TV and announced another month. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. I knew this was God’s way of moving me to my next season. I wasn’t ready, but I knew it was for my good and that I had to go. I made up my mind right then that I would move to Texas, and told no one.

Over the next few days fear set in and I tried to recant my initial obedience. I started back applying for jobs and tried to think of things I could do to stay in Illinois. I even started doing nail visits in clients homes but nothing lasted. Nothing gave me peace. I tried delivering grocery for a while and hated that with a perfect hatred. I didn’t wanna let my family and clients down so I tried to do everything in my power to stay in Illinois. Nothing worked though.. I had to relent. After I gave God a solid yes, I started seeing Texas everywhere I looked! He was giving me a vision, and it was magnificent.

During this time of no income, I applied for government assistance and unemployment benefits and was denied because I was self-employed. My money was getting low and I didn’t know what to do. My world was falling apart but even in that, I had no fear.… I had never seen the righteous forsaken nor His seed begging for bread, so I continued to let the Dallas seed grow within me. I watered it daily by looking at apartments and imagining my new life in the Lone Star State.

At that time, I had a new Facebook friend named Polly who happened to be a realtor from Dallas. Before knowing any of this I was lead to message her to ask where I should live if I ever came there. She responded with “Frisco.” She said Frisco was up-and-coming and very much like Naperville. I took her advice with a grain of salt because she herself didn’t live in Frisco. Another week passed with no job interviews, no income and no end in sight, so I indulged. I started actively looking for apartments in Dallas.

I couldn’t really go to Dallas without God confirming and telling me where to go. So I asked the Lord, “God, if this is You, make a way for me to go.” The next day, I got on Facebook Marketplace, and the first and only apartment to come up in my price range was in Frisco. It was just what I was looking for! So, I clicked the link and applied right then, sight unseen. I expected them to ask for a check stub, job letter, or something, but they did not. The leasing agent sent me a video from her phone—it was beautiful! Much nicer than my current place. I could now see myself living there. I applied knowing I had no money, my credit was shot, and I had no job lined up. If this was God, I would get it. I applied in faith. I had no money to move and no job lined up. It must’ve been God because I got it. I signed the lease online and had my move in date. That step was done, now I had to figure out how would I get the money? I didn’t know, but I knew if God got me this far, He would do the rest. When I knew for sure I was leaving I decided it was fair to tell my company that he should start looking for another woman or somewhere to live. He was standing in the kitchen on his phone of course and I said “hey, I’m moving to Texas and you cannot come with me” he shrugged his shoulders and said ok. I knew it would be some nonchalant response because he never wanted me to feel important or special. I felt no need to expound or explain. That was that.

Next I had to email my clients to tell them I was moving. That was one of the worst days of my life. I loved those women. Many of them I had known for years. I met their families, watched their kids grow up and get married, and now I was leaving everything I had ever known to go to a state I had never even flown over in a plane. After sending the email, I was bombarded with responses asking to see me one last time before I left the state. I agreed. I had to go to my salon to pack it up anyway, so I would have people meet me there while I was packing. The race to Texas was on, so I started packing and purging my apartment but I couldn’t take my salon. That chapter of my life was over I thought, so I listed everything for sale in one Craigslist post. My entire salon sold within a week—that was a miracle as well. What are the chances of someone wanting everything you have? The chances are slim, this was another move of God. A woman came from Indiana with a U-Haul and carried away the last eight years of my life. I can still see the back of that truck with all of my things, I couldn’t stop the tears. I stood in the doorway and watched the brake lights in a daze. This was it. I was no longer welcome in my home state. The brook was dried up, God was saying to go. I was a broken woman. I cried for days. I would come to the salon to sweep and cry. I needed a reason to get out of the house anyway, so I went to my latest great failure. While at my now empty salon many of my clients would come to say goodbye. They would tell me how much they appreciated me as a person. I’m crying now thinking about it. God knew I needed those words of encouragement to make the journey. With those words, tears and hugs many of them handed me envelopes to say thank you. Those envelopes contained checks and some cash. One client lived in Florida, I hadn’t seen her in two years. She messaged me one morning and said I wanna Zelle you $2000, what’s your information? That was God.. He was loading me up for the next few months.

When I left the state of Illinois for good, I had over $10,000 in cash from my clients.